Inch-By-Inch, Day-By-Day...

27/04/2009, Monday : Huh!

2009-04-28T02:34:00.003+05:30

Its hot and sweaty. I have a fan above me and one pedestal fan blowing air all over the room, looking like an agape child left in hinterland, looking all over the place. I feel sick and lonely, and have a tearing headache. Despite of being in a terrible need of both the fans to cool my more than average body surface area, the irritating sound made by the table fan pisses me off and I switch it off. The headache is killing me. I suddenly feel like tearing my hair apart, and for once I decide to follow my heart. After a few seconds of tugging at them (hair), when I finally give up my futile efforts, i see a couple of crushed LGBs (light grey bugs/bastards, your pick) on one arm and a mosquito on the other. God I hate this place!!!

On second thought, I don't.

This place is all that I have achieved so far in my life. There is no other accomplishment in my life except for having cleared that Goddammed exam.

People are hypocrites. I have always been chubby, but while as a kid, I was called cute because of it. now people come up to me with all sorts of tips about losing weight. Damn those Ageists.

Spent the whole evening with a bunch of old friends. Discussed the love story of one of them at length. Watched his Girlfriend's pictures. Saw the gifts she has given to him. I am happy for him. And jealous. And a little deprived. Above all I feel useless. I really believed I could not experience so many emotions at the same time. Guess I was wrong.

And yes, I would like some cheese with that whine.

Hmmm

2009-02-17T23:29:00.002+05:30

I looked at her. She looked at me. She smiled. I don’t know how, but she did. I tried to seem cool. Unperturbed. Relaxed. Convinced. Calm. HAPPY.

I had been standing for 24 hours before that. In a train. General compartment. I was tired, exhausted and hungry. And I felt this is the worst one could possibly feel. But as soon as I saw her there, in that condition, I understood that there is a feeling which hurts far more than all this – helplessness.

There she was. Almost whole body wrapped in plaster. Jaw supported by a frame. Messy hair. Dried lips. But still, smiling. How? I still don’t know. Why? Because I was there.

2 hours. I sat there, right beside her. She stayed silent, while I chose to continuously blab about something or the other. Telling her that she is gonna be ok. Telling her that I was totally ok. Not at all shaken. But she knew lying doesn’t come easily to me.

Two hours was all that time allowed me. Boarded another train. Got a place to sit beside the lavatory this time. Another 24 hours. Man! I hate journeys. But this one did not bother me. Not because I was too happy, but because I was too sad to bother. Something told me that day, that it could be the last time I had met her. How I wish I was wrong!

That was two years ago. And two years is supposed to be quite a long time.

Well, not long enough, it seems.

07/06/08, Saturday: American Television will never let me hook up

2008-06-07T16:11:00.002+05:30

Hmmm... the traumatized soul is back for good, guys...

Since I wrote the last post (dated 30th January, a date that hold vital importance in my life), a lot of things have changed except for the soul and the trauma. But all that is passe now, and the blog is just about the daily ramblings anyway, so lets continue with that.

I have been friends with a lot of girls in my life. Many of them told me that any girl would be lucky to have me (in my defense, I always managed to prove them wrong.). But they could never explain why I haven't hooked up yet. Thanks to Kyle XY and another series (I just can't seen to remember the name as of now), I now have the answer.

To elucidate, lets take this dialog between Steven Tregar and his son Josh Tregar, just before Josh is about to leave for his entry in the great life-long game of dating (ergo his first date).

Steven: So, excited, huh? I remember my first time.
Josh: Dad! Gross!!!
Steven: I meant my first date, Josh. (Exchange of glances) It was with Flora McDonell, the girl with daisy dukes and tulip smell.
Josh: Despite further mental images that I will have to purge, tell me- how'd it go?
Steven: Well, inconsequential. Nothing happened of it.
Josh: Why?
Steven: There was.. there was no tap. (Pauses) But when I first went out with your mom I...
Josh: (Interrupting) Whoa! Define tap first!!!
Steven: The feet!
Josh: Oh!!!
Steven: When I first took your mom out, there was this excitement, and my feet just could not stop tapping!!! This made me knew she was it.

Yes, yes. I shall wait while the girls get done with their 'Awwwwwwww's and "How sweet"s, and the guys finish saying things like "This Traumatized soul is a real wuss" and other such stuff.

Yes, I understand that it is indeed a very sweet way to explain this. But as soon as I start tapping, I realise that whole my body is moving. The flab sure is a pain in the hook-up. The guys who know me know that I have 12 sides. Tapping is not my game. No can't do Omigo!!!

There was another series that connected the feelings inside us to the colours we start using in our paintings. Painting is another form of art that I suck at, though paints is something I used to love. Now a days, I am developing paints. Not so much fun anymore.

Same shortcomings are apparent in an otherwise Godly guy called S.V., whom we all know so well. But these days, something seems to be up with him. The chain of developments keep me assured that he will develop the balls to ask a girl out someday, will get married, have kids and have good life, contrary to my case.

Just so you know, both of us have a deal so that our kids don't have to face this problem. We will hook them up in their childhood. Atleast that's what the plan is. But with his superior gene pool and his ever-increasing tendency to ditch me, I guess he is gonna blow this one too. So I am coming up with a written contract. Will get it signed in his blood :P

The rest of the day has been pretty usual, except for a fully grown girl sitting in my room cuz the lunch tiffin was late, and crying "Mujhe roti khaani hai!!!", and continuing to howl till i actually ordered stuff for her. A good company is worth a million Bucks... and I guess Murphy will never leave me alone :(

Chalo... kal milte hain. Not a good post, I know, but you have to start somewhere. Restart somewhere, in my case.

Wednesday, 30/01/2008: A lesson learnt

2008-01-31T17:54:00.000+05:30

The past few days have really had their toll on me. And for nothing that I was in, but for things that my friends were in. But recent incidents have taught me that there are a very few people who need me, and even fewer whom I need. I just probably needed to figure out who was who. So it's just a very selected pack now, others will ask for me whenever they need me anyway. Thanks to some very dear friends who put the final nail in the coffin for me.

And for the readers who mailed me from Singapore and HongKong... guys, sorry for not having been able to come up with anything humourous for quite a long time now, but I assure you, things will change pretty soon.

Just one question that I have in my mind now... Yeh stud kaise bante hain yaar???

महा केला

2007-10-17T12:26:00.000+05:30

(Best viewed on Microsoft Internet Explorer... sorry for making you guys commit this sin of using IE)
(इस कविता का सम्पूर्ण रस लेने हेतु श्री हरिवंश राय बच्चन साहब के महाकाव्य मधुशाला को अपने मन में रखें) (गूगल rocks)
(For non-kgpians, it just enough to know that केला होना == getting into unexpected and undesirable circumstances) (in a very broad sense though)

दुनिया भर के केलों की है आज बनाई यह माला,
जिसको पढ़ कर हाय करेगा आज हरेक पढने वाला,
ये केले मैंने देखे हैं, जग कहाँ समझ पायेगा,
केले का तो दर्द जानता है केला सहने वाला...

कटु अनुभवों की स्मृति में जाग उठता कभी केला,
कभी-कभी तो यूं लगता है, जीवन केले का मेला,
जिस पर बीते वो रोता है, जो देखे हँसता जाता है,
समझ ना आता है, केला है या है केले का ठेला...

काम ही करने को हर्षित हो घर से चले करने वाला,
सामने आ जाता है पर, केलों से भरा गन्दा नाला,
आलस तन में है इतना कि काम करें कुछ, मन ही नहीं,
और करें तो बीच में आ जाता है ये केला साला...

दुनिया में हैं राहें कई, जिस राह चले चलने वाला,
सच तो है यही, हर राह में है उसका ही दिल जलने वाला,
जीवन में शाश्वत कुछ भी नहीं, सच है जो कुछ तो इतना है,
हर राह में है हर सज्जन को कोई केला मिलने वाला...

सफल कार्य की इच्छा ही जब बन जाये जीवन-माला,
जीवन में सुख की जब तलाश में निकल पडे चलने वाला,
यह ज्ञान नहीं कहाँ जाएगा, कुछ तय भी नहीं क्या पायेगा,
तय यह है, मिलना है तब भी एक सडा केला काला...

उम्मीद ही है जिसने जीवन भर निराशाओं को है टाला,
उम्मीद का ही दम भरता है हर काम में जय करने वाला,
उम्मीद से जीवन चलता है, उम्मीद से दुनिया चलती है,
उम्मीद यही है, पाऊँ कोई एक राह बिना केले वाला...

मैं KGPian, कुलोध्भव (legacy) मेरे सीनियर ने ऐसा डाला,
मेरे शरीर में भी होनी थी कुछ सत्तर प्रतिशत हाला (शराब),
हाला से ही मैंने तौबा की, जो ना करता तो खुश होता,
कुछ तो मिल जाता हर रोज़ के केलों से लड़ने वाला...

आज के जग में जी नहीं सकता सब का भला करने वाला,
जो जी भी ले तो खुश तो रहने ही ना देगा कोई जग वाला,
मेरी बात मान तो अब से तू भी सहना छोड़ इन्हें,
केले से डरना छोड़, तू ही बन जा केला करने वाला...

केले से डरना छोड़, तू ही बन जा केला करने वाला...

02/10/2007 - Brainfagged...

2007-10-03T01:19:00.000+05:30

(Note: Please do not sit with any sharp or heavy object within your reach while reading this post. Your exasperation after reading it might make you hurt someone, or, better still, yourself :P )

Hell. This was an arbitrary day. Come to think of it, the whole life is pretty arbitrary. It's us human beings who constantly keep trying to make sense out of this non-sense. This fact sometimes defeats the very reason why I made this blog: to make people how an IITian in general and a KGPian in particular lives. But since each post on this blog starts with something meaningful (usually), and ends properly (generally) with a lot of well-defined (Crappy and useless, but well-defined nonetheless) stuff in-between, I can't call it arbitrary. I can't write arbitrary stuff. Man... that kills me!!!

Anyway, who cares?

WHO CARES?

India just won the T-20 world cup after defeating Pakistan in the finals. Pakistan seems to be the hub of terrorism. So does Afghanistan, what with all the Osama Bin Ladens (Ok, not Ladens, but just the one that exists is good enough to make the Americans shit green all over their pants.). Americans, as my friend VS (this girl lives in USA) puts it, has brains the size of an average Indian male's nut-sack (don't frown at the owner of the blog, yours truly is just quoting what the lady said) . But the Germans are really intelligent people I believe. Germany is the home to the world's best beer companies and the best mathematics researches. I like mathematics though, but I hate Germany: too many freaking taxes there. This neutralizes my viewpoint for German mathematicians. One person who hated mathematicians was Alfred Nobel, probably because his wife perhaps eloped with a mathematician. Nobel prizes promote a noble cause of helping the progress of mankind in chosen fields. It is also awarded in the field of literature. So you can actually get a Nobel for writing a noble and novel novel. I don't like novels much though. Actually I am not patient enough to sit down and read a 500 pages-long piece of literature. But patient people form a very important part of the society, because it's the patients who provide a means of livelihood to all the people associated with the medical industry, including the doctors, nurses and the people managing the hospitals. Hospitality industry derives it's name from hospital, but they are both totally different. Hospitality industry is related to hotels. Hotels are those places where we live when we go out of town, and have no place to reside. An alternative definition for hotels is a place where people go when they get into adultery with beautiful women (This will never be a reason for me... beautiful women and I fall into different genders of different species). Most of the hotels these days have restaurants. When I was a kid, we basically went to restaurants only on some occasions, or the rare times when mom fell sick and could not cook for us. Mom cooked and did a lot of other stuff for us because she cares. Mom cares.

That's it. MOM CARES.

I now have the answer to the very basic question that I raised before I started my explanation (i.e. before the last paragraph started... scroll up to find out).

I now have the answer to the nature, universe and everything around us.

Though some people would say that the answer to this question is 42 (not so arbit this one.. read hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy and you'll know), but I really don't care.

After all, who cares??? :D

(So much to prove that this place makes you think really arbitrary stuff.)

Anyway, this is all from me for now.

Wish you a very Happy Holi and a Merry Christmas.

(I know what you are thinking. Holi and Christmas in October? Well, I have a rock solid reason for writing so.
The reason is that Deepika Padukone looks hot.)

01/10/2007- Antar-Raashtriya Kela Divas

2007-10-02T04:31:00.000+05:30

Duniya ke khel niraale hain,

Sau baar Jhamela hota hai,

Meetha jo samajh ke khaayein wo

har baar karela hota hai...

Kuchh log jo achchhe hote hain,

unse bhagwaan ne khela hai,

Raahon mein kele ke chhilke

aur kismat mein bas KELA hai...

Ok... this might sound really lame to everyone outside my college campus who do not have any idea as to what all this one term "Kela" can imply, but those who do will readily appreciate even this extremely childish collegiate rhyme. Believe me. It really makes sense.

You don't believe me?
Come to know me, and you'll start believing in what I just said. And in case you don't want to pay such a heavy price (meeting me) to verify the rhyme, you can meet another version of the same species. Yes, our very own SV!!! He was apparently just a whisker away from a trip to IIT M that he has been so enthusiastic about for quite some time now (I was enthusiastic about his trip too, but due to his prospects of finding a bhabhi for me by the end of the trip. A certain Bhabhi :P ). However, his Faculty Advisor (or fac ad or f*** add , whatever you wanna call that person) had other plans to screw the geek's happiness, and the stud of the department is finally stuck again in this hellhole with 'Moronus Extraordinaire' (M.E. :D) (Whoever did not understand this joke, well, please thank God for not having stripped you of whatever little kindness he keeps bestowing now and then).

Anyway, the day otherwise was pretty good. Had a lot of bike rides... including four rounds of the institute with KN (ok, I know this might look gay, in fact it MUST HAVE looked gay, but when I get a bike, I don't really care much about what others think). Believe me, I really needed it after my chat with KN and AA while waiting for the food at the canteen. Excerpts:

me: I like custard apples (OK, my bad, I was the one who started all this)
AA: Custard apple kya hota hai?
me: Seeta Phal (this is what they call it in hindi)
AA: What's that?
KN: (An honest confession here: After this description, I don't think I am ever gonna eat one) Well, it's a fruit, green in colour, and it has, like, these black blister kinda thingies on the surface. Once you split it open, there is some white gooey stuff, and if you further eat it, you will find that the gooey stuff is wrapped around flattened-cone shaped black things.
AA: Oh!!! Kaddu?
me: Abey kaddu nahin!!!
AA: (hell bent) Kaddu hi hota hai bey.
NK: Kaddu is pumpkin!
AA: Kaddu pumpkin hota hai? phir wo hare colour ka phal kya hota hai jiske ends laal hote hain? Uski sabzi banti hai.
NK: Achchha wo na jo sweet sa hota hai?
me: (utterly frustrated) Abey tu green colour ke meethe fruit ki sabzi banaayega? Bong hai kya bey?
NK: Yeah right! Even bongs don't make such a sabzi.

me: I dunno dude... whatever!

I could really go on and on, because, for one, the chat did go on and on for another hour; but I think I have made my point. People actually get so much used to substituting this for fuun (The typing error is intentional, I don't want to associate even the correct spelling of fun with what people usually have here.) (What people usually have here is called crap, without any spelling mistakes this time.) that they actually forget that something called a joke (even PJ is some cases) exist. Here is a part of my chat with another guy whom I was composing an e-mail with. Lets call this guy UE.

UE: Should I write 'All the best' or 'Have fun' or something at the end?

me: Yeah, that should be fine. Though, if I had it my way, I'd have written 'Get a Life' instead. (Bad joke, I know, and I worsened the condition by sending an :P at the end, but what came next numbed me beyond recuperation)

UE: Yeah, we could write that too, but don't you think it might sound a bit derogatory?

me: (Unable to believe he took it seriously) What?

UE: Yes, it actually gives a feeling as if the other person has no life at all... as if... as if he's lifeless.

me: (Still trying to recover) Dude, don't take it seriously.

UE: (Still on his trip) Though, we can write something like 'Liven Up' on the lines of what you suggested.

me: That was a joke!!!

Aur likhoon kya? :P

Jaate Jaate...

Hazaaron khwaahishein aisi, ki har khwaahish pe dum nikle
Har plan ka ho kela, aur phir har kele mein bomb nikle...

28/09/2007, Friday - He Ishwar, sone do mujhe!!!

2007-09-29T01:25:00.000+05:30

Just like God, his middle finger is present everywhere and in all forms. It just needs a seeker to find it. Also, in some special cases, the God chooses a blessed (?) individual and keeps a finger perenially reserved for him. He just has to look skywards, and there it is in it's full glory.

I, my dear friends, am the one.

True, I was on my bed at 0000 hrs. As true as this is the statement that I was lying in the same state at 0400 hrs, still unable to sleep. All the sheeps that I had been counting all these days in my mind probably got bored of being counted by the same guy every night, and all of them migrated to greener pastured (literally as well as figuratively, probably trying to help some Ali Larter sleep). To compensate the average population of the room after the departure of the sheeps, in came a fleet of mosquitoes. Frustrated by all these transitions, i finally gave up the idea of sleeping and went to the basketball court to sit for some time.

The dogs, somehow, thought I must be feeling quite lonely, and pretty soon I was sitting in the hostel basketball court, surrounded my eight dogs and/or bitches (no, I was not feeling jobless/gross enough to count how many of them were male and how many females, but considering that the dogs are one species in KGP which enjoys a somewhat healthy sex ratio, I guess there must have been equal number of both). Now, the problem- The females of the species were ready for coitus, and the males were expecting it nonetheless. Soon things started to get gross (I guess you are unlucky enough to understand what I am implying here), and I found it wise to get back to KN's room.

Slept finally at 0530 hrs. Surprisingly, my eyes opened up wide at 0730 hrs. Again surfaced the problem. You know, the same old good conscience vs. bad conscience fight, in which the satan finally ends up kicking the angel's ass.

Satan: Come on dude (yes, yes... the satan calls me dude)... your professors are no way as important as your slumber. Don't wake up.
Angel: Yes, you moron!! Go sleep!!

But I somehow's gathered the courage to get up and go to the loo. The walk really brought me back to my senses, and the remaining part was taken care of by the MSc guy who could not resist the enticement of singing "Too hot to handle" while taking a dump in the toilet adjacent to mine.

Somehow reached the class in a drousy state. I survived the first double lecture pretty well, I must say. However, in the second one came the most confused lady professor ever who does not know the difference between the "What's she saying" look and the "I read this shit in Upper KG" look.

The rest of the day was quite usual. Bad food, nice conversation with a bunch of great friends, some episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., and that voice again, stubborn at not leaving my mind.

Though I really want that voice to leave my mind once and for all, I still thank God that I got to hear something that could touch my senses ever so gently, I felt for a second as if there is nothing else in this world that I could ask for if I could just stand and listen to that voice forever. I could never really imagine something like this could exist, but since I have felt this once, I have probably started to yearn for a bit too much. As I once said to AL, it is really great to have someone to come home to.

Looking forward to that....

27/09/2007, Thursday - Yawn...

2007-09-28T04:32:00.000+05:30

It's been two days since I attended a class.

You think this is not a big deal? Think again. The pressure of studying in India's premiere engineering college is not a very easy thing to handle. It takes really hard work to get in here, and to get in as well as to survive here, you have to have an insatiable urge for knowledge and the ability to bear the onus of expectations that you and your parents have from you. You can't just keep bunking classes. It doesn't feel good.

Blah.

All I am concerned about it deregistration threats. Please delete the last paragraph from your mind. This place is not much different from many of the other engineering institutions found in every state of India. And missing classes is not a new affair for me anyway. I just surpassed the limit this semester, and now when I need to attend classes, I am not being able to sleep before 4AM, thereby waking up at 1230hrs and thereby missing all the morning lectures. Today was not much different. Tried sleeping at 0100 hrs, but finally gave up on my efforts at 0300 hrs after 2 hours of relentlessly trying. Tried out all the regular stuff... thinking of boring things, like counting imaginary sheeps or the number of professors in your department (i prefer sheeps though... they can't deregister you after all, and they can't warn you about your future. And since they are professors at this hellhole, I can perfectly guess how much they thought about their futures when they were young.)

But the voice refused to leave my mind. Why is it that whenever I start getting all gung-ho about life, I just get to hear that voice somehow, and immediately come to terms with what I am missing in life. Such a huge deprivation, and I can't even stop it... just watch my life get out of my minds and keep listening to the voice that might haunt me forever. Aah! If only I'd been good enough to deserve her.

Finally managed to sleep at 0430 hrs.
Had classes from 0830hrs to 1230 hrs.
Woke up exactly at 1225 hrs.

Dang! Missed all the classes again. There was nothing I could really do to make it up, so I decided to watch an insanely stupid movie that could drive my mind off the guilt (read: the fear of getting deregistered by DDK). Ended up watching Main Hoon Na!

It's these times when SV comes in handy. Most of my chats with him are so non-sensical that people might actually pass-out reading them. Here is what happened today during those moments of boredom.

SV: Can black holes have relationships?
me: black holes can have spaceships

they can actually eat them up

SV: yup

btw, the most common answer to this status question has been: assholes can

6:26 PM me: and since the first thing in a relation is providing individual space, the fundamental necessity is in decent supply. relation == space sometimes.

SV: ooo, nice...but then black holes eat everything that comes their way or even tries to escape if close by

SVactually, th space in a relationship should not be warped to favour either member..

6:27 PM black holes warp space to suit their greed

me: now who says greed is not a part of relationship?

come on

you know everybody in relationship is a little greedy

6:28 PM otherwise people would just go to the himalayas and spend all their lives there, without anyone else

greed is the foundation of a relationship.. the greed of wanting something good for yourself

SV: hmmm... i agree

anything that man does is based on a greed

6:29 PM me: which proves your previous statement wrong

SV: but that doesn't mean he can trample and manipulate the environ to suit his need

he can try and live with it too

hell no... what i said isn't wrong by ur hypothesis or mine

6:30 PM me: i think our conversation is getting a bit people centric... we started off on black holes right?

I guess when people prefer talking about black-holes than actual people, life can be considered pretty shitty. Sadly, this statement applies in my case too.

Rest of the day was not much different anyway. The same voice haunting me, the same fears drowning me, the same hopes saving me. Received a good news finally... bhabhi gave birth to a baby boy. Thanking God for the absence of any of his finger-showing tricks, I was finally off to sleep at 0000hrs again.

The One where it all starts

2007-09-28T04:16:00.001+05:30

My life is weird. You probably don't know me, or you even might, but might not have identified me as yet. Meet my friends, they will endorse the fact that my life is kinda strange. Then again, you might be my friend, but might still be trying to recognise who I am.

So better let it be this way. You'll probably find out in due time who I am. "The seekers shall find me anyway." Right now, just observe this thing I call my life, (which is as similar to an actual life as matter is to it's anti-matter) in a 12AM-to-12AM time frame, and just fall in love with the number of ways God has devised to show you that dreaded middle finger.

Keep checking out this space for updates (which should come up everyday, if everything goes as planned).