27/09/2007, Thursday - Yawn...

It's been two days since I attended a class.

You think this is not a big deal? Think again. The pressure of studying in India's premiere engineering college is not a very easy thing to handle. It takes really hard work to get in here, and to get in as well as to survive here, you have to have an insatiable urge for knowledge and the ability to bear the onus of expectations that you and your parents have from you. You can't just keep bunking classes. It doesn't feel good.

Blah.

All I am concerned about it deregistration threats. Please delete the last paragraph from your mind. This place is not much different from many of the other engineering institutions found in every state of India. And missing classes is not a new affair for me anyway. I just surpassed the limit this semester, and now when I need to attend classes, I am not being able to sleep before 4AM, thereby waking up at 1230hrs and thereby missing all the morning lectures. Today was not much different. Tried sleeping at 0100 hrs, but finally gave up on my efforts at 0300 hrs after 2 hours of relentlessly trying. Tried out all the regular stuff... thinking of boring things, like counting imaginary sheeps or the number of professors in your department (i prefer sheeps though... they can't deregister you after all, and they can't warn you about your future. And since they are professors at this hellhole, I can perfectly guess how much they thought about their futures when they were young.)

But the voice refused to leave my mind. Why is it that whenever I start getting all gung-ho about life, I just get to hear that voice somehow, and immediately come to terms with what I am missing in life. Such a huge deprivation, and I can't even stop it... just watch my life get out of my minds and keep listening to the voice that might haunt me forever. Aah! If only I'd been good enough to deserve her.

Finally managed to sleep at 0430 hrs.
Had classes from 0830hrs to 1230 hrs.
Woke up exactly at 1225 hrs.

Dang! Missed all the classes again. There was nothing I could really do to make it up, so I decided to watch an insanely stupid movie that could drive my mind off the guilt (read: the fear of getting deregistered by DDK). Ended up watching Main Hoon Na!

It's these times when SV comes in handy. Most of my chats with him are so non-sensical that people might actually pass-out reading them. Here is what happened today during those moments of boredom.

SV: Can black holes have relationships?
me: black holes can have spaceships

they can actually eat them up

SV: yup

btw, the most common answer to this status question has been: assholes can

6:26 PM me: and since the first thing in a relation is providing individual space, the fundamental necessity is in decent supply. relation == space sometimes.

SV: ooo, nice...but then black holes eat everything that comes their way or even tries to escape if close by

SVactually, th space in a relationship should not be warped to favour either member..

6:27 PM black holes warp space to suit their greed

me: now who says greed is not a part of relationship?

come on

you know everybody in relationship is a little greedy

6:28 PM otherwise people would just go to the himalayas and spend all their lives there, without anyone else

greed is the foundation of a relationship.. the greed of wanting something good for yourself

SV: hmmm... i agree

anything that man does is based on a greed

6:29 PM me: which proves your previous statement wrong

SV: but that doesn't mean he can trample and manipulate the environ to suit his need

he can try and live with it too

hell no... what i said isn't wrong by ur hypothesis or mine

6:30 PM me: i think our conversation is getting a bit people centric... we started off on black holes right?

I guess when people prefer talking about black-holes than actual people, life can be considered pretty shitty. Sadly, this statement applies in my case too.

Rest of the day was not much different anyway. The same voice haunting me, the same fears drowning me, the same hopes saving me. Received a good news finally... bhabhi gave birth to a baby boy. Thanking God for the absence of any of his finger-showing tricks, I was finally off to sleep at 0000hrs again.