Just like God, his middle finger is present everywhere and in all forms. It just needs a seeker to find it. Also, in some special cases, the God chooses a blessed (?) individual and keeps a finger perenially reserved for him. He just has to look skywards, and there it is in it's full glory.
I, my dear friends, am the one.
True, I was on my bed at 0000 hrs. As true as this is the statement that I was lying in the same state at 0400 hrs, still unable to sleep. All the sheeps that I had been counting all these days in my mind probably got bored of being counted by the same guy every night, and all of them migrated to greener pastured (literally as well as figuratively, probably trying to help some Ali Larter sleep). To compensate the average population of the room after the departure of the sheeps, in came a fleet of mosquitoes. Frustrated by all these transitions, i finally gave up the idea of sleeping and went to the basketball court to sit for some time.
The dogs, somehow, thought I must be feeling quite lonely, and pretty soon I was sitting in the hostel basketball court, surrounded my eight dogs and/or bitches (no, I was not feeling jobless/gross enough to count how many of them were male and how many females, but considering that the dogs are one species in KGP which enjoys a somewhat healthy sex ratio, I guess there must have been equal number of both). Now, the problem- The females of the species were ready for coitus, and the males were expecting it nonetheless. Soon things started to get gross (I guess you are unlucky enough to understand what I am implying here), and I found it wise to get back to KN's room.
Slept finally at 0530 hrs. Surprisingly, my eyes opened up wide at 0730 hrs. Again surfaced the problem. You know, the same old good conscience vs. bad conscience fight, in which the satan finally ends up kicking the angel's ass.
Satan: Come on dude (yes, yes... the satan calls me dude)... your professors are no way as important as your slumber. Don't wake up.
Angel: Yes, you moron!! Go sleep!!
But I somehow's gathered the courage to get up and go to the loo. The walk really brought me back to my senses, and the remaining part was taken care of by the MSc guy who could not resist the enticement of singing "Too hot to handle" while taking a dump in the toilet adjacent to mine.
Somehow reached the class in a drousy state. I survived the first double lecture pretty well, I must say. However, in the second one came the most confused lady professor ever who does not know the difference between the "What's she saying" look and the "I read this shit in Upper KG" look.
The rest of the day was quite usual. Bad food, nice conversation with a bunch of great friends, some episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., and that voice again, stubborn at not leaving my mind.
Though I really want that voice to leave my mind once and for all, I still thank God that I got to hear something that could touch my senses ever so gently, I felt for a second as if there is nothing else in this world that I could ask for if I could just stand and listen to that voice forever. I could never really imagine something like this could exist, but since I have felt this once, I have probably started to yearn for a bit too much. As I once said to AL, it is really great to have someone to come home to.
Looking forward to that....
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
27/09/2007, Thursday - Yawn...
It's been two days since I attended a class.
You think this is not a big deal? Think again. The pressure of studying in India's premiere engineering college is not a very easy thing to handle. It takes really hard work to get in here, and to get in as well as to survive here, you have to have an insatiable urge for knowledge and the ability to bear the onus of expectations that you and your parents have from you. You can't just keep bunking classes. It doesn't feel good.
Blah.
All I am concerned about it deregistration threats. Please delete the last paragraph from your mind. This place is not much different from many of the other engineering institutions found in every state of India. And missing classes is not a new affair for me anyway. I just surpassed the limit this semester, and now when I need to attend classes, I am not being able to sleep before 4AM, thereby waking up at 1230hrs and thereby missing all the morning lectures. Today was not much different. Tried sleeping at 0100 hrs, but finally gave up on my efforts at 0300 hrs after 2 hours of relentlessly trying. Tried out all the regular stuff... thinking of boring things, like counting imaginary sheeps or the number of professors in your department (i prefer sheeps though... they can't deregister you after all, and they can't warn you about your future. And since they are professors at this hellhole, I can perfectly guess how much they thought about their futures when they were young.)
But the voice refused to leave my mind. Why is it that whenever I start getting all gung-ho about life, I just get to hear that voice somehow, and immediately come to terms with what I am missing in life. Such a huge deprivation, and I can't even stop it... just watch my life get out of my minds and keep listening to the voice that might haunt me forever. Aah! If only I'd been good enough to deserve her.
Finally managed to sleep at 0430 hrs.
Had classes from 0830hrs to 1230 hrs.
Woke up exactly at 1225 hrs.
Dang! Missed all the classes again. There was nothing I could really do to make it up, so I decided to watch an insanely stupid movie that could drive my mind off the guilt (read: the fear of getting deregistered by DDK). Ended up watching Main Hoon Na!
It's these times when SV comes in handy. Most of my chats with him are so non-sensical that people might actually pass-out reading them. Here is what happened today during those moments of boredom.
I guess when people prefer talking about black-holes than actual people, life can be considered pretty shitty. Sadly, this statement applies in my case too.
Rest of the day was not much different anyway. The same voice haunting me, the same fears drowning me, the same hopes saving me. Received a good news finally... bhabhi gave birth to a baby boy. Thanking God for the absence of any of his finger-showing tricks, I was finally off to sleep at 0000hrs again.
You think this is not a big deal? Think again. The pressure of studying in India's premiere engineering college is not a very easy thing to handle. It takes really hard work to get in here, and to get in as well as to survive here, you have to have an insatiable urge for knowledge and the ability to bear the onus of expectations that you and your parents have from you. You can't just keep bunking classes. It doesn't feel good.
Blah.
All I am concerned about it deregistration threats. Please delete the last paragraph from your mind. This place is not much different from many of the other engineering institutions found in every state of India. And missing classes is not a new affair for me anyway. I just surpassed the limit this semester, and now when I need to attend classes, I am not being able to sleep before 4AM, thereby waking up at 1230hrs and thereby missing all the morning lectures. Today was not much different. Tried sleeping at 0100 hrs, but finally gave up on my efforts at 0300 hrs after 2 hours of relentlessly trying. Tried out all the regular stuff... thinking of boring things, like counting imaginary sheeps or the number of professors in your department (i prefer sheeps though... they can't deregister you after all, and they can't warn you about your future. And since they are professors at this hellhole, I can perfectly guess how much they thought about their futures when they were young.)
But the voice refused to leave my mind. Why is it that whenever I start getting all gung-ho about life, I just get to hear that voice somehow, and immediately come to terms with what I am missing in life. Such a huge deprivation, and I can't even stop it... just watch my life get out of my minds and keep listening to the voice that might haunt me forever. Aah! If only I'd been good enough to deserve her.
Finally managed to sleep at 0430 hrs.
Had classes from 0830hrs to 1230 hrs.
Woke up exactly at 1225 hrs.
Dang! Missed all the classes again. There was nothing I could really do to make it up, so I decided to watch an insanely stupid movie that could drive my mind off the guilt (read: the fear of getting deregistered by DDK). Ended up watching Main Hoon Na!
It's these times when SV comes in handy. Most of my chats with him are so non-sensical that people might actually pass-out reading them. Here is what happened today during those moments of boredom.
SV: Can black holes have relationships?
me: black holes can have spaceships
me: black holes can have spaceships
they can actually eat them up
SV: yup
btw, the most common answer to this status question has been: assholes can
6:26 PM me: and since the first thing in a relation is providing individual space, the fundamental necessity is in decent supply. relation == space sometimes.
SV: ooo, nice...but then black holes eat everything that comes their way or even tries to escape if close by
SVactually, th space in a relationship should not be warped to favour either member..
6:27 PM black holes warp space to suit their greed
me: now who says greed is not a part of relationship?
come on
you know everybody in relationship is a little greedy
6:28 PM otherwise people would just go to the himalayas and spend all their lives there, without anyone else
greed is the foundation of a relationship.. the greed of wanting something good for yourself
SV: hmmm... i agree
anything that man does is based on a greed
6:29 PM me: which proves your previous statement wrong
SV: but that doesn't mean he can trample and manipulate the environ to suit his need
he can try and live with it too
hell no... what i said isn't wrong by ur hypothesis or mine
6:30 PM me: i think our conversation is getting a bit people centric... we started off on black holes right?
I guess when people prefer talking about black-holes than actual people, life can be considered pretty shitty. Sadly, this statement applies in my case too.
Rest of the day was not much different anyway. The same voice haunting me, the same fears drowning me, the same hopes saving me. Received a good news finally... bhabhi gave birth to a baby boy. Thanking God for the absence of any of his finger-showing tricks, I was finally off to sleep at 0000hrs again.
The One where it all starts
My life is weird. You probably don't know me, or you even might, but might not have identified me as yet. Meet my friends, they will endorse the fact that my life is kinda strange. Then again, you might be my friend, but might still be trying to recognise who I am.
So better let it be this way. You'll probably find out in due time who I am. "The seekers shall find me anyway." Right now, just observe this thing I call my life, (which is as similar to an actual life as matter is to it's anti-matter) in a 12AM-to-12AM time frame, and just fall in love with the number of ways God has devised to show you that dreaded middle finger.
Keep checking out this space for updates (which should come up everyday, if everything goes as planned).
So better let it be this way. You'll probably find out in due time who I am. "The seekers shall find me anyway." Right now, just observe this thing I call my life, (which is as similar to an actual life as matter is to it's anti-matter) in a 12AM-to-12AM time frame, and just fall in love with the number of ways God has devised to show you that dreaded middle finger.
Keep checking out this space for updates (which should come up everyday, if everything goes as planned).
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