Its hot and sweaty. I have a fan above me and one pedestal fan blowing air all over the room, looking like an agape child left in hinterland, looking all over the place. I feel sick and lonely, and have a tearing headache. Despite of being in a terrible need of both the fans to cool my more than average body surface area, the irritating sound made by the table fan pisses me off and I switch it off. The headache is killing me. I suddenly feel like tearing my hair apart, and for once I decide to follow my heart. After a few seconds of tugging at them (hair), when I finally give up my futile efforts, i see a couple of crushed LGBs (light grey bugs/bastards, your pick) on one arm and a mosquito on the other. God I hate this place!!!
On second thought, I don't.
This place is all that I have achieved so far in my life. There is no other accomplishment in my life except for having cleared that Goddammed exam.
People are hypocrites. I have always been chubby, but while as a kid, I was called cute because of it. now people come up to me with all sorts of tips about losing weight. Damn those Ageists.
Spent the whole evening with a bunch of old friends. Discussed the love story of one of them at length. Watched his Girlfriend's pictures. Saw the gifts she has given to him. I am happy for him. And jealous. And a little deprived. Above all I feel useless. I really believed I could not experience so many emotions at the same time. Guess I was wrong.
And yes, I would like some cheese with that whine.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Hmmm
I looked at her. She looked at me. She smiled. I don’t know how, but she did. I tried to seem cool. Unperturbed. Relaxed. Convinced. Calm. HAPPY.
I had been standing for 24 hours before that. In a train. General compartment. I was tired, exhausted and hungry. And I felt this is the worst one could possibly feel. But as soon as I saw her there, in that condition, I understood that there is a feeling which hurts far more than all this – helplessness.
There she was. Almost whole body wrapped in plaster. Jaw supported by a frame. Messy hair. Dried lips. But still, smiling. How? I still don’t know. Why? Because I was there.
2 hours. I sat there, right beside her. She stayed silent, while I chose to continuously blab about something or the other. Telling her that she is gonna be ok. Telling her that I was totally ok. Not at all shaken. But she knew lying doesn’t come easily to me.
Two hours was all that time allowed me. Boarded another train. Got a place to sit beside the lavatory this time. Another 24 hours. Man! I hate journeys. But this one did not bother me. Not because I was too happy, but because I was too sad to bother. Something told me that day, that it could be the last time I had met her. How I wish I was wrong!
That was two years ago. And two years is supposed to be quite a long time.
Well, not long enough, it seems.
I had been standing for 24 hours before that. In a train. General compartment. I was tired, exhausted and hungry. And I felt this is the worst one could possibly feel. But as soon as I saw her there, in that condition, I understood that there is a feeling which hurts far more than all this – helplessness.
There she was. Almost whole body wrapped in plaster. Jaw supported by a frame. Messy hair. Dried lips. But still, smiling. How? I still don’t know. Why? Because I was there.
2 hours. I sat there, right beside her. She stayed silent, while I chose to continuously blab about something or the other. Telling her that she is gonna be ok. Telling her that I was totally ok. Not at all shaken. But she knew lying doesn’t come easily to me.
Two hours was all that time allowed me. Boarded another train. Got a place to sit beside the lavatory this time. Another 24 hours. Man! I hate journeys. But this one did not bother me. Not because I was too happy, but because I was too sad to bother. Something told me that day, that it could be the last time I had met her. How I wish I was wrong!
That was two years ago. And two years is supposed to be quite a long time.
Well, not long enough, it seems.
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